Emerging from the Dark

I was just looking back over my past entries and realizing they are like a diary of my journey over the past year. I love reflecting on past events and reliving good memories. When I come home from vacation I love posting the photos on Facebook and telling my friends about all the wonderful things I experienced. Photos exist as a reminder of our pleasure.

I am also a big fan of anticipating. Some people can’t wait to open presents, but I am the opposite. I think there is such fun in thinking about what might be inside that pretty box. When the presents go under my tree before Christmas I delight in them. Whether I am planning a party, holiday, or an evening out, I love to think about all the possible scenarios, the fun I might have, and the conversations that might take place.

Anticipating and remembering events are wonderful tools to help you increase your happiness. And it is also so important to just be in the moment, but so often that is a challenge for us especially since we pride ourselves (or delude ourselves) about our ability to multitask. In coaching clients often express a desire to be in the moment or to slow down and enjoy their life. The ability to fully experience both the ups and the downs of your life is the key to fulfillment.

I just had the experience of being coached about where I was in that moment. I was able to fully experience the anxiety I was feeling. I didn’t step over the fear and try and fix it. My coach held a space for me as I explored the dark. I found myself as a small child sitting alone in the dark and hugging my knees. It was lonely, cold and scary. And it was real.

A shift occurred when I realized that I was afraid to move because it was dark. I was creating the dark because my eyes were shut. I had the power to open my eyes. I had the power to see the beautiful sunshine that was streaming in through my window. In the light I could see that I was already taking steps to deal with the root of my anxiety. I could see that I was not alone or helpless. I emerged as the adult I am.

It can be scary to explore the dark but I knew that my coach was there holding the rope for me. Most importantly it was empowering to open my eyes. The conscious choice to embrace the light happened because I did not run from or avoid the fear.

So keep anticipating and imaging an amazing future. And take the time to relieve the delightful moments of the past. But remember to spend time in the present moment and to get present to the feelings that are living inside you right now.

By allowing myself to feel the dark, I found the light again.

Joyous Strategic Planning

When I was working as a fundraising consultant, my team would hold strategic planning retreats. At first these meetings would happen once a year and we would set our goals and then get on with things. One day we were cleaning out old files and we found a list of goals from one of our early meetings. This meeting was so long ago that many of the team members were not even around anymore. Much to our surprise when we reviewed the goals we had actually accomplished all of the things we set out to do. We could see the power in writing down our intentions.

And by this point we could also see that we had an improved system that helped us reach those goals faster and more efficiently. We had moved to a twice a year retreat schedule supported by monthly accountability meetings. The retreats were full day off site meetings and gave us a chance to disconnect from the day-to-day and see the big picture. It also gave us a chance to bond as a team and have some fun. We prepared for these retreats by talking to stakeholders and getting feedback on our work and ideas for new initiatives. We would walk away from these retreats with a renewed sense of passion and list of goals and an action plan. We also knew exactly who was responsible and when the tasks needed to be done by.

We all know that human nature can sometimes lead us to put off work until a deadline approaches. Because we all have so much to focus on short term our long term goals can get lost. To counterbalance this we implemented a monthly two hour lunch meeting to report on our actions, seek feedback, and get support when necessary. These meetings were designed to be fun, energizing and motivating. And doesn’t food always make meetings more enjoyable?

So yes I am a huge fan of strategic planning and goal setting. When I started coaching I was introduced to a new way of looking at SMART goals. In co-active coaching, goals are still Specific and Measurable but the ART is Accountable, Resonant and Thrilling. Are you really willing to do what it takes to reach this goal? Is your goal really what you want? Does it connect to your values? Does it scare you and stretch you into something bigger. This change made strategic planning even more exciting for me. Imagine a world where every organization and every person was pursuing thrilling goals.

Recently I created a one year vision for my coaching business. It aligns completely with my values and is certainly is thrilling and scary. I know to reach this vision I have to set goals and an action plan. And because I know that coaching is the best way to achieve extraordinary results, I am working with a mentor coach to set my SMART goals.

And even more importantly I have come to realize how truly important it is to stay connected to my vision and to live and breathe it every day. For me it is really key to talk about my vision as a way to bring it to life. I so value the people in my circle who let me speak the vision. These cheerleaders are going to bring me to success with their pom poms a waving.

So I ask you today, what do you need to do to connect to your vision and goals?

The ‘Being’ of Celebration

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”  ~ Oprah Winfrey

I have been thinking about the importance of celebration over the past few weeks. Then yesterday I was watching Cityline on TV and they had a segment on the importance of making celebrations a part of your life and your family’s culture. Not just the big holidays or events but the little day-to-day ones.

When I found out I had passed my exam and was officially a certified coach I did some celebrating. Shared the news with family and friends and had a special dinner out to mark the occasion.

I was however challenged around the idea of celebrating having completed the exam, without any attachment to the outcome. Could I celebrate the exam being over without knowing for sure if I had passed? Could I celebrate the effort that I had put into preparing for this moment?

The true answer is that yes I could (a little bit).

A couple of friends asked me what I did to celebrate and I launched into an explanation of how I really didn’t and why. I only called people to say I was done and to tell them I thought it went well. My coach friend challenged my perspective and said it sounds like you celebrated by sharing with those who are most important to you.

That was really profound and made me realize that I was focused on the ‘doing’ of celebrating and not the ‘being’ of celebration. I was making a judgment about what was acceptable. Doesn’t celebrating have to involve food, cake, champagne, balloons, etc? Of course I realized that I was making up the same story that I often see with my clients. That they have to spend money and make a big fuss in order for it to qualify as a celebration.

Celebration can simply be noticing, taking a pause, and savoring the moment. This is the ‘being’ of celebration. And it lasts longer than a fancy dinner or bottle of champagne. We can all be proud of ourselves in every moment. We can make the outcome less important. We can know that commitment and effort are worth celebrating right now.

So what are we waiting for? Share what are you celebrating in this moment?

Changing my Mind(set)

I just finished reading the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck. I have been thinking and talking about the book to various people and when I switched on Canada AM this morning they were talking about the importance of a growth mindset for students. As so often happens when an idea excites me, suddenly examples are everywhere.

In a nutshell the book contrasts fixed and growth mindsets. People with a fixed mindset believe intelligence and talent are fixed and they can achieve success without effort. People with the growth mindset believe abilities can be developed and therefore they have a great love of learning and challenges and don’t fear failure.

What struck me was that over the past 15 months I have not only been working towards being a certified coach, I have been strengthening my growth mindset. As a kid I was not much of a joiner and often avoided structured activities like swimming, dance class, Brownies, etc. I didn’t believe I was good at sports or art or math so I avoided those things when I could. Instead I focused on activities and classes in school that came naturally to me. As I grew older and more confident I started to take more risks and realized that doing something well just means finding something you enjoy and working at it.

When I took my first coaching workshop I thought this is something I am good at and therefore I happily made the decision to continue. Luckily for me I did my training with the Coaches Training Institute and they fully embody the growth mindset. We learn in the context of the Beginner’s Mind, effort not success is praised, and failure is celebrated. I would be lying if I told you this was easy for me. After spending a decade as a consultant who is supposed to know something, it was not easy to suddenly switch into the mindset of enjoying failure. So sometimes I didn’t raise my hand or run to the front of the room to try something new. But many times I did and that is the key.

After 5 months of workshops it was time to move onto a 6-month certification program. During this program we had direct supervision and feedback about our coaching. A few months into the program I remember a sense of panic started that I was actually getting worse and not better at this coaching thing. Luckily my own coach helped me to see that I was playing a bigger game, trying new things, developing my basic skills at a whole new level. Of course there would be times that I would fail. During this time I came to realize that I had a gremlin in my head that would tell me “if you are meant to do this, then it will be easy.” A classic fixed mindset idea I can now see. Thankfully I was able to turn that around and say “if you are passionate about this then you will keep growing with effort and commitment.”

And that change of mindset was the biggest gift of all.

To test your Mindset, learn about its impact, and see how to change it visit: http://mindsetonline.com

Would love to hear what you discover…

Cultivating Creativity

I am staring at the opening paragraph I have just written for this blog and thinking “that doesn’t sound very creative.” That is my saboteur voice inside my head judging me. Creativity isn’t something I claim easily for myself. I remember years ago in a performance review with my then boss, she asked me why I rated myself as average on the creativity scale. I answered that I didn’t view myself as particularly creative. She challenged that and told me that she saw me as a person who always came up with different ways of looking at a challenge. That she deeply valued my creative solutions.

My judgment around creativity was that creative people are good at drawing, music, dancing or something like that. They are “artists.” In that moment I realized that I AM CREATIVE. And recently I have realized that this is actually a key value of mine.  

Each day we all express ourselves in so many ways – the way we dress, decorate our homes, wear our hair. So I am claiming creativity and kicking in the pants my saboteur who thinks creativity is only for “artists.”   

Here are just a FEW of the ways that I am currently cultivating creativity in my life?

Dancing in the moment – this is one of the cornerstones of coactive coaching. It means coaching the client’s agenda that shows up and using intuition and deep listening to decide where to go next. The fun part about this dance is that the coach and client are both leading and following during each session.

Creating challenges – being able to challenge a client to do something new is fun and can really shake up their perspective on what is possible. The more outrageous the better.

Reading – I was lucky to grow up with a mother who loved to read and to read to us. One of my fondest memories is my mom and I reading the Little House on the Prairie series. A great book can take you to another place and expose you to ideas you have never considered. A great book can change you and increase your compassion.

Dancing – I have loved to dance since I was a teenager going to clubs. A great song comes on and you can find your groove and use your body to express what the music means to you. As I get older staying up late enough to go clubbing is not as appealing. Being the creative person I am, I joined a Nia class so I can dance on weekend mornings.

And then there is my blog which is also a new creative expression. I would love to hear how you are currently cultivating creativity in your life and work…

Creating 2011 with Authenticity

My recent posts have given me a chance to explore my top values and now I come to authenticity. To live authentically and really be true to myself is important to me – so important that I have it pasted on my vision board. It hangs above my desk and is there to remind me each and every day. Be Authentic!

As 2010 ended I invited my clients to celebrate the successes they had in 2010 and to spend time reflecting on the 2011 they want to create. I always enjoy reflecting at this time of year and for the past few years have created a list of the 25 things I am most proud of doing in the past year. If you are thinking that you could never come up with 25 things then I challenge you to start the list right now. Or maybe after you finish reading this post.

This year my boyfriend and I also decided to try a positive psychology idea out for the last two weeks of the year. We shared with each other each night three good things that happened to us that day and what made them specifically happen to us. This was a fun way to end the year and gave us a chance to really connect. However, sometimes it was challenging. On one day when it felt like everything was going wrong he asked me to name the three good things. I quickly realized that having his support had carried me through that day and that is the best thing of all. So even in times of struggle it is good to stop and reflect on the positive.  

I must admit that the first week of 2011 has not been as joyful and inspiring as I had hoped it would be. So today I think the topic of this blog is a wakeup call for me. What would I need to do to create the 2011 that truly reflects my authentic self?

• Treat my body well by eating fresh and nutritious food
• Carve out time each day to move and be outside
• Pursue the activities my body loves like ice skating, Pilates, Nia and walking
• Appreciate my body and all she does for me each day
• Appreciate the love in my life every day
• Express this love
• Celebrate all the successes in building my business
• Lean on my circle of connection to help me grow my dream coaching business
• Become a certified coach
• Take risks and trust myself
• Try something new and thrilling
• Read inspiring books
• Connect with people who bring me joy

Who do I need to be this year – joyful, bold, inspired, and disciplined!

Who do you need to be to create your authentic 2011?

Creating Life on Purpose

Shortly after I started coaching, I decided to name my company Life on Purpose. The name just landed in my head and I decided to go with it. Those who know me will attest to the fact that I like to trust my intuition and I am not one to over think things.

So here I was with Life on Purpose. I liked the way it had a few interpretations. One being the clients could work with me to create the life that they want. But I also felt that the word purpose resonated because it means a life that has value and impact.

As I have mentioned before, I came to coaching after spending about 13 years in fundraising. I never intended to grow up and be a fundraiser – and really I don’t think anyone did. I graduated with a Master of Library Science, couldn’t find a job in an actual library, and fell into my first job as a fundraising researcher. Really I was just happy to have my first grown up job and salary. As a bonus, I liked the work I did profiling potential donors.

Overtime I came to see the bigger picture – the fact that this was work that made a difference in people’s lives – that it was work with purpose. And this is what made me stay around for the long haul.

We were helping connect charities to donors and this meant that hospitals could save more lives, more students could afford to go to university, and women’s shelters could provide shelter and transition to a new life. This is powerful stuff.  

And then in 2006 I realized that what was just as powerful was that we helped connect donors to charities. At the APRA Conference in Orlando I heard a keynote by Dr. Claire Gaudiani, the author of The Greater Good: How Philanthropy Drives the American Economy and Can Save Capitalism. Dr. Gaudiani showed how Americans are not generous because they are rich, but rich because they are generous.

Of course, prior to that I knew that people benefitted from giving. However, it really started to crystallize for me in that moment that we were helping the donors as much as the charities. Since that time I have also come to see how giving can make people happier and even healthier.     

And it was this connection to the purpose of this work that made it a career I loved for over a decade.

Recently I read the book Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and his son Robert Biswas-Diener. They tell a story about a hospital janitor who finds the purpose in her work. She knows that keeping the place clean prevents infection and therefore keeps patients safe. She also takes the extra time to rearrange the photos for immobilized patients so they always have something new to look at. This is a person who makes each day extraordinary.

What an inspiration! I invite you to step into 2011 with this perspective. How can I find purpose in the work I do each day. Would love to hear where it takes you.

Passion with a Capital P

My value of Passion – with a capital P – is the theme of this post. I have a passion for bringing joy and playfulness to people’s lives.

When I start working with clients we explore where they are now in their lives. One area we look at is “play” and how satisfied they are with the amount of fun and playtime in their lives. So many people have reacted with a sense of shock that this is even a consideration. Or they realize that they are focused on play being a priority for others, usually their children.

But adults need play too! And we deserve it!

For me one of the ways I play is to go skating outdoors with my friends on cold winter mornings.

A while back, while working with my coach, I realized that I am successful and happy when things are in flow. And gilding around on the ice is a perspective that I can use when I need to open up that flow in my work. This comes up for me today because tomorrow will be the first skate of this winter season. I came to skating later in life and first took lessons as a 30 year old. So for me it is not something natural that I grew up with.

I have noticed that when I first lace up my skates each season I am very nervous. During the walk from the change room to the ice I am feeling unbalanced and tentative. I step gingerly onto the ice at first. But soon I realize that if I want to glide then I need to bend my knees, feel a connection with the ice, and just relax. When I let go I discover the joy in the movement and I allow the flow to happen.

I love using this perspective in my work because it reminds me that the flow is there. I do not need to create the flow I just need to lean in, feel the connection, and trust. And that is when magical things happen.

What kind of play have you engaged in this week? What did it teach you? I would love to hear your stories. And if you can’t remember that last time you played, then I challenge you to make time today for whatever is your Passion – with a capital P.

Creating a Circle of Connection

Today I am reflecting on my value of connection and the impact it has in my life and in my work.

My clients come to coaching for various reasons, but once they arrive many realize they desire the connection that comes from deep friendships. However, even though we crave connections, we often feel that it is trivial to focus in this area. In some ways the explosion of online dating sites has helped people feel more comfortable dedicating time and money to the search for a romantic partner. But when it comes to friendships, we believe it should just happen naturally.

Hiring a coach to talk about getting a new job is one thing, but to talk about having more or better friendships? Well I would like to jump on my soap box and say that focusing on friendships is a key to a more fulfilling life. I know this to be true because I have lived it.

I have written before about how my life changed at the age of 30 when my marriage ended. When I was in that relationship I had a few close friends and that seemed to be just fine. But embarking on life as a single woman made me realize the value of friendships.

I often joke that when we were kids it was so easy to just go up to someone on the playground and say “hey wanna play?” As adults we often worry about whether someone will like us or reject our offer of friendship. And in the busy world we live in it can seem hard to find time for family let alone friends. Where do I even find new friends many people ask?

Many of my friends I met through work. One of the things I love most about fundraising is the people who are passionate, outgoing, fun, and who wake up each morning ready to make an impact in the world. I always felt at home in this work because it matched my values and therefore it provided a great opportunity to meet people. So I went out to lunch with my co-workers and spent time getting to know them and eventually our friendships moved beyond the office.

I also tried new activities and tried to choose things that had a social component. I am not a team sport kind of girl so I joined a clinic at the Running Room. Since we can all run by ourselves I figured the people there would be keen to make friends. And I was right! There is a definite bonding experience in showing up for an 8am run on a cold Sunday morning. Each week I eagerly looked forward to our early morning runs that were soon followed by brunches and many amazing friendships were created.

Recently during a session with my coach, she pointed out how often I speak of my women friends and how they support and love me. They have been amazing resources as I have started my own business. They cheer loudly for me in success and offer support in times of worry or failure. They really listen, they offer advice, they make me laugh, and I always have someone willing to try and new activity with me. They make my life better in countless ways.   

It made me reflect on the many paths I took to create this life and these friendships for myself. Because I did create it. In coaching we often reflect on success and ask “who did I have to be to create this?” I was open, authentic, friendly, supportive, and willing to try new things. My friendships add value to my life and therefore I make them a priority.

I would love for you to share your stories about friendship. What does it mean to you? How do you make new friends? What makes you a good friend? Let’s share and deepen our connection with each other.

Oh Joy!

I shared with you last week that one of my top values is JOY and this week I launched my Joy Quota group coaching series. So obviously there has been some reflection about how I am living this value.

JOY can be defined as the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. To me being joyful is expressing happiness. I love the word JOY because it feels playful and exuberant. I want to not only be happy but to express it as JOY.  

I have long loved the work of Cheryl Richardson who encourages women to embrace extreme self care. She promotes a world where women make time for things like fun, relaxation, and pampering.

Recently I discovered Gretchen Rubin who wrote The Happiness Project. Gretchen loves her life but also wants to try new things to increase her happiness and gratitude. When I started to read this book I felt like I had just met a wonderful new friend. I savored the book and only wanted to read one chapter a day so it would last even longer.

I have also been doing a lot of reading in the field of positive psychology and was particularly struck by the book Positivity by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson. This book documents her research about the strengths of positive emotions. As an optimist I must say this research made me feel pretty good about myself.

Being a Joy Coach allows me to harness my passionate interest in people and their joy, happiness and positivity. It is a delight to work with people who are ready to claim their passions and to start to make those a priority in their lives. To help people uncover their true and unique values and support them in creating a life where they life those values each and every day.

Outside of work, I have recently discovered Nia, which celebrates the joy of movement and combines elements of dance, martial arts and healing arts. I have often thought it would be fun to take dance classes but was intimidated by the idea of learning the steps and, to be honest, of looking silly. Well now that I am 40 I have much less worries about looking silly. Also Nia is about finding your own joy and not worrying about your left foot or your right foot. There are moments in the class when we have free dance. What a wonderful site to see 20 women joyfully dancing around a room just doing what their body tells them. Our teacher is inspiring and watching her just love what she is doing brings a smile to my face.

So at 40 years old I have embarked on a new career path and gotten up the courage to take a dance class. Oh Joy indeed!

I would love to hear about your unique values and how you are living them to the fullest.